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"How many wishes do you think we'll get?" - Barnaby

Barnaby Crimp is a student at St. Thom Huell, Sports Captain, captain of the rugby team and overall jock. Reasonably artistically talented, he is good at thinking on his feet, as long as the topic is not supernatural. He is shown to be fairly persuasive as he was able to talk Mr. Miller into giving him a (unloaded) crossbow.

He would not be opposed to asking Imogen out for a date.

As Sports Captain, Captain of the Rugby Team and holder of what must be an innumerate number of titles due to the mortality rate at the school, Barnaby gained his positions largely through seniority (through the death or incapacitation of his predecessors). However, he is quite competent at rugby, regardless, and has led his team to victory before. As a result of his innate ability and well-honed skills, he has not only become skilled at sports but also developed a most attractive physique that is often distracting when exploited to its full potential, particularly his "rippling pectorals", glorious musculature taken from a renaissance statue, carved from marble and making him the image of a classical demigod. As a result of these qualities, Barnaby is also quite competitive.

Despite being largely motivated by chasing skirts, Imogen, brash grilled chicken dishes, banter with "the lads" and rugger, Barnaby has shown a softer side. Despite knowing that it is akin to social suicide to be observed alongside the nerds of the school and the new American girl, Barnaby has been an unfailing companion and has never refused to assist.

His altruism has been displayed on a number of occasions, including saving a young mother and child at great risk to himself, and making arrangements that James could stay with him in his dorm. However, this altruism is also heavily influenced by his headstrong nature, such as when he decided to make a run for the server room in the Alexandria despite having performed no preparations beforehand. Fortunately, Barnaby is not without some degree of inspiration and his intuition has occasionally come in to play when his rippling pectorals have been less-than effective.

Barnaby's parents are noted to allegedly be giving large donations to the school, particularly with regards to sports equipment. Imogen suspects that this familial pressure may have influenced Barnaby's decision to do sports despite being skilled at arts.

The Jock and the Outcasts Edit

Barnaby shares a Biology class alongside Robert and Imogen, and through this class was introduced to Layla. It is implied that Barnaby largely only worked alongside Imogen on account of his crush on her, and thus came into contact with Robert due to him being Imogen's fellow nerd and being very competent at science. It is further implied that Barnaby has had a long-term crush on Imogen, resulting in teasing from the Rugby team. Barnaby became involved in the shenanigans of the group after being given detention for incomplete notes during the frog dissection practical, sneaking off with Robert after curfew to meet with Imogen in the library. After being caught by the night warden with Robert and later Imogen, Barnaby managed to forge some permission slips, which allowed them to leave due to the staff member's poor eyesight.

After meeting up with Layla, the group later followed Layla to her meeting with Mr. Miller at the graveyard after she tried to sneak away. Due to incomplete information Barnaby believed that Layla and Mr. Miller were "bonking", an act which he strongly objected to as being morally wrong and irresponsible. With the group's incessant questioning Barnaby, Robert and Imogen were dispatched to look for and hunt rabbits under the pretense of needing rabbits for a biology practical, with Barnaby managing to convince Mr. Miller to give him his crossbow, which unbeknownst to Barnaby, Robert or Imogen, was unloaded.

In an alteraction at the graveyard, movement was spotted and Barnaby fired the crossbow to no effect, as it was unloaded[2]. A hand appeared from the ground, and a figure emerged. This appeared to be Craig, a member of the rugby team, who emerged from underground sporting strange disfigurements. Initially perceiving this to be a joke by the rugby team, Barnaby was attacked by Craig, now a vampire, and narrowly managed to escape being bitten by Imogen's use of telekinesis and some flailing. Unlike Robert Barnaby accepted the existence of magic and vampires quite easily.

Later, Barnaby participated in an intervention of a ritual to open the Hellmouth beneath the school, with a mild degree of success, managing to cut down and rescue James, a rugby player whose intelligence was sucked out by a demonic force in the ritual, later taking him to the nurse. After realising that James now had a child-like intelligence, Barnaby kept him on the rugby team's reserves and made arrangements for James to stay as Barnaby's roommate. This later resulted in the rather awkward admission by James that James has romantic feelings for Barnaby. Barnaby also participated in search of Mr. Miller's house, where he knocked over a statue, and later in the attempt to rescue Imogen from vampires led by Mr. Miller, also to a slight, but not particularly great, degree of success, being overshone again by Layla and Imogen. However, Barnaby had lent Imogen his pager in the first place, which was crucial to the group following Imogen's captors to their hideout.

In Episode 3, Barnaby led the Rugby Team to great success over the team from Greater Rosewater Comprehensive, led by Jim. Those largely considered the star of the team he was briefly overshadowed by Ned and Brian Phillips at the latter-end of the match. Unbeknownst to Barnaby at the time, the rest of the team were wearing jerseys that slowly changed those wearing them into trolls, improving their speed and strength. This had no effect upon Barnaby, but may have been due to the fact that he was team captain and wearing a different jersey. It also maybe has to do with the fact that he is a demon.

Barnaby led his victorious team and the defeated team from GRC, with some convincing, for a cheeky Nando's in Greater Rosewater, where he became increasingly concerned by the boisterousness of his team. After attempts to de-fuse the situation Barnaby attempted to lead Ned and Brian, the remaining members and the most boisterous, to a closed pub in an attempt to stop them from demanding more alcohol from the waitress. After Ned and Brian broke into the pub, Barnaby again attempted to stop them, only to be overpowered and thrown aside. After a failed attempt to get help by calling his pager, which Imogen had returned to him, resulting in him having to cower in a phone box for shelter from the Phillips twins' projectiles, he later ran away, managing to get some distance partly because the Phillips twins, now almost fully trolls, believed it to be "good sport". Barnaby only stopped to help a young mother and her baby, managing to convince the twins to start fighting among themselves over who would eat the baby and ushering the mother and her baby away.

Barnaby was encouraged rather vehemently by Imogen to remove his jersey in broad daylight to his embarrassment, did so quite vigorously, exposing his rippling pectorals to all in the vicinity. Barnaby managed to contribute somewhat to the fight against the troll brothers.

In Episode 4, Barnaby joined the STH quiz team to the Brain Olympics in London, alongside Robert, Janet and Violet. Taking the minibus up to London with the GRC team, including Jane and Gabriel he quickly got into a rivalry with the team from Greater Rosewater Comprehensive, racing to see who could check in first and later starting a tie tying contest between Robert and Jane. This resulted in Jane hacking the Alexandria systems to make the STH boys' room extremely cold and the girls' room extremely hot. Barnaby checked up on the girls, Janet and Violet, as a result of this climate control issue, and on knocking on the door was met by a sweating Violet, implied to be in a high state of undress, who politely rebuffed Barnaby's suggestions to open the door and windows. In the quiz itself he performed less-than admirably, earning some scorn from Robert.

In the Ammit Scarab outbreak later, Barnaby helped discover the dead body of Bruce Perriwinkle alongside Robert, and was the first of the group to be bitten and temporarily brain-drained by the scarabs. After the group managed to remove it, he led the charge up to the penthouse and servers, stopping in the cleaning cupboard to fashion bucket helmets out of plastic buckets, and using a mop as a weapon. With Imogen and Layla not present, Barnaby was given some time to shine in combat, though he was somewhat of a target for the scarabs. He later argued about who won the quiz while being stuck in the lift after the destruction of the Alexandria penthouse (it was ultimately declared a draw by EE in an aftershow). He also attempted to ask for Jane's number, which was unsuccessful.

After the Alexandria Incident, Barnaby started behaving somewhat erratically. He was spotted returning to the school early in the morning by Layla; his excuse was that he was meeting Jane from GRC. At a latter spotting by Robert, he used the same excuse. Imogen, however, was suspicious and did not particularly strongly believe the rumours, arguing that despite Barnaby's attractiveness and position, he has never gone out with any girls at St. Thom Huell's, and waves it off as garrulous talk. Finding his pager insufficient for purpose, Barnaby managed to procure a mobile phone. He also visited Ned and Brian at the Greater Rosewater Hospital, encountering Violet, who asked whether he was going to the re-opening of The Basement nightclub in Little Rosewater.

Barnaby was convinced to undergo an experiment with the Ammit Scarab he recovered from the Alexandria for Imogen with Imogen. In a ritual the scarab was duct-taped to the back of Barnaby's head and the information it had eaten transferred to Barnaby, increasing his knowledge of many diverse topics, overall similar to Robert's amount of knowledge, but without the intellect or the photographic memory. It is unknown how long this effect would last.

Barnaby later joined the group and James in a visit to The Basement nightclub on its re-opening night, dancing quite well with Violet and later receiving a kiss from her. Afterwards, Barnaby joined Imogen on a trip to the OK Kebab Shop after it was determined that Violet's necklace may have been the cause of the endless night, where they fought a vampire biker. Though Imogen eventually managed to kill the vampire through use of burning boiling oil, Barnaby managed to wound the vampire by driving a kebab skewer into its head. Later Barnaby found the necklace in Vince's Pawn Emporium, and a deformed Violet revealed herself to be a vengeance demon who had taken pity on James for Barnaby and the team's rejections of him. Barnaby acquitted himself quite well, but started poorly, only managing to grasp the necklace after accidentally "coming into contact" with Violet in a fog of protection Imogen cast. Later, Barnaby managed to destroy the necklace with a hammer, releasing a burst of power and turning Violet into a "normal" human and restoring time. Barnaby was later slapped by Violet, who nonetheless appeared to have some degree of affection for him.

In Episode 7, Barnaby first illustrated odd behaviour after objects, including such diverse elements as Imogen's hair and Robert's bag, started to ignite after he became flustered. This theory was proved after Barnaby's "private time" activities were slightly revealed in a conversation with Layla, causing James' blazer to ignite as a result of Barnaby's great embarrassment. Barnaby later took James to the hospital to obtain an alternate opinion on James' condition, for little effect.

Barnaby had an argument with Imogen prior to this activity coming to light, in which allegations of perversion were thrown around after Barnaby took issue with Imogen telling him to take his jersey off during the Nando's Incident.

An attempt was made by Barnaby to get Layla to join the rugby team at tryouts, successfully convincing a disbelieving Mr. Woodbridge to allow her to try via Barnaby's comprehensive knowledge of the rules of Rugby Union. However it was a failure, as Layla's lack of competency in rucking led to Mr. Woodbridge ordering her off the field, leading the Slayer to assault Ned, recovered from his injuries and holding the rucking shield, throwing him across the field and causing Mr. Woodbridge to order her off the pitch. Despite Mr. Woodbridge's disapproval Barnaby still kept his position as team captain and responsible for filling up the team. In a moment of emotion Barnaby kept James in the team despite James having to sit out as reserve since his incident in the school basement.

Barnaby was later involved in an altercation with a Mesopotamian Golem which became active in an English field. After ineffetual attempts to disable it with Robert's magrifle due to the Golem's stone armour, he embarked upon a series of unwise decisions including attempting to tackle it into a ditch, getting into a melee fight with it with the much larger creature with his fists and headbutting it, dealing damage to himself in the process. Barnaby was gravely wounded as a result and only survived due to the heroic sacrifice of a sheep in the proximity. This illustrated how Barnaby's charisma and attractiveness is not merely limited to humans and demons, but also to members of the Ovis genus.

After the Golem was disabled, the Golem appeared to not follow instructions with Barnaby in the vicinity. As the group returned to the museum, the motorbike which Barnaby recovered was destroyed in an explosion ignited in his vicinity.

Barnaby's Many Ships Edit

Some Degree of Affection Edit

  • Violet (kiss and an accidental "contact" during a fight)

Mild Blushing At Least Once Edit

  • The Girl in the Nurse's Office in Episode 2
  • Imogen (particularly the "jersey-removal incident")
  • Layla (particularly the "jersey-removal incident")
  • The Young Mother from the "jersey-removal incident"

Allegedly Edit

  • Jane Murphy (according to claims by Barnaby to Layla and Robert)

Notes Edit

  1. A Campaign Vlog by GamingFTL, partly from Barnaby's point of view, may be found on his Strange Adventures channel.
  2. In the session, Mr. Miller does not appear to have reloaded the crossbow, however it is unclear whether the crossbow was cocked (the string drawn back) prior to him giving it to Barnaby. In Layla the Vampire Slayer #1 Campaign Vlog by Gaming FTL, it is described as having been cocked prior to firing. This would have resulted in a dry-fire, which is considered extremely dangerous by experienced crossbowmen, allegedly to the point where some bows may break or explode. However, this has never come into play as, despite the crossbow having been retrieved by Layla from Mr. Miller's house with ammunition, it has not been used in action since.

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